![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jpskewedthroneI would like to announce that ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
wldhrsjen3 has become an "Official Minion" for Joshua Palmatier due to the following. This means that, when I eventually take over the world through the domination of books, wldhrsjen3 will be officially elevated from the Hordes sent to worship me and will have a place in the palatial Parthenon I will create. And the Parthenon will be beautiful. Let's just say there will be trees. And fountains. Definitely fountains.
How can you earn the right to enter the Parthenon? How can YOU become an "Official Minion"? Here are some simple guidelines to follow:
Official Minion of Joshua Palmatier guidelines:
1. Demand that your local bookstore carry my books. Aswldhrsjen3 was willing to do, you should ask your local bookstore why they don't have my books on the shelves. A simple question. Ask them to order in a few copies for the shelf, because you thought they were good books. They might not order them in, especially at a chain bookstore, and please don't harrass the employees, because often they don't have a say in the matter, but sometimes they will order them in, and when they do, and you happen to see the books on the shelf . . .
2. Turn the books face out on the shelf. A simple little procedure that will often require that you shift a few books around to make space. Please don't take books out and put them in the wrong place, but shifting a few back and forth in place doesn't hurt. And people are more likely to pick up the book if they can see the cover. I believe thatwldhrsjen3 also did something like this, since she mentioned making my books more prominent, or putting them in a more prominent position. And you can also . . .
3. Talk to people in the section about the books. Also simple. If you happen to (over)hear that someone browsing in the section is looking for something new or different or doesn't know what to try, just pick up the book and hand it to them and say you thought it was great! You should hand it to them. People are more likely to buy something if they have it in hand. (A little trick you learn while working at, say, a bookstore.) Whilewldhrsjen3 didn't exactly do this, she did the next best thing by faking a cell phone call and gushing about the book to a "friend" so that the browsing person would overhear. An excellent strategy for those that don't like to approach strangers and push their books on them in person. While we're still thinking in terms of being in a bookstore, there's also the obvious helpful bit of advice . . .
4. Buy my books at bookstores. This actually helps tremendously. Because not only is that a sale (which makes me happy), but it's also a sale ON RECORD AT A BOOKSTORE. The reason that the chain bookstores likely don't have copies of the books on the shelf is because they haven't sold many of the previous books directly from the bookstore. People buy online, and that's great, because it's a sale, but when the next book comes out, the chain bookstore is going to look at the previous book's sales report . . . and then order fewer books than actually sold of that previous book. It's killing the writer's career. It's the old Catch 22 about jobs: they want to hire experienced workers, but how can you get experience if they won't hire you? Same here: they want the books to sell, but how can they sell books if they don't put them on the bookshelf? It's frustrating. So when you buy the books at an actual bookstore, it helps in more ways than just as a sale for the author. It helps FUTURE sales as well. And while you're buying those books . . .
5. Buy books as gifts for friends. I think this is often forgotten, because we booklovers are greedy folks overall, rather self-interested, and so when we're in the bookstore all we can think of is MINE MINE MINE! We grab our horde of found treasure and lug it up to the counter and then go home and gloat over it. "My precious, my precious!" But think of your friends! If you really think a book is spectacular, why not buy the book for a friend that you think will really like it? The author will love you, and supposedly the friend will love you too. Share the greed! Oops, I mean, share the love! And if you love the book . . .
6. Tell people! The absolute best way to help sell books by a particular author is to talk about them. In casual conversation. Just say how great the book was and that the person your talking to should try it. I've seen this in action at my local gym. One person bought my book even though he "doesn't read fantasy". The next time I saw him, he couldn't stop talking about how much he loved the book and how he'd already gone out and bought book 2. A few people overheard him, asked about the books, and then they bought it. And now they're gushing about book 1 and have already started book 2. . . .
7. Blog about the books. The same thing happens online when you blog about a book you've just read, or start a thread in a forum about the book or books you've recently read and what you think, or mention it in a chat room or at a group. Whatever. It's the same idea. If you can get a conversation going about the book, it's likely that those participating in the conversation will check the book out, as well as those overhearing the conversation. Very helpful to authors. Along the same lines . . .
8. Review the book at online sites. I have to be honest here and say that I didn't think this would have much of an impact . . . but I've seen enough evidence now to say that it does. That's why I run those review contests, where you put up a review on amazon.com and bn.com. People read those reviews, and they decide whether or not to buy the books based on those reviews. So if you love a book, leave a review online at amazon.com or bn.com. It doesn't have to be a long review, but a few sentences saying that you loved the book, that the characters made you care, that the plot never stopped, and that you couldn't put the book down . . . all of that helps. You don't need to summarize the book or anything, just say it wasn't what you expected, or that you took a chance on a new author and didn't regret it in the least, and that you're eagerly awaiting the next book from this author. Something to indicate that perhaps the buyer should take the chance as well.
And now we get down to the true Minion tasks, the ones that put you above and beyond the Hordes, firmly in the Parthenon of Greatness (remember, there's fountains).
9. Request the library obtain the book for its shelves. Every library sale counts as a sale. Think of how many libraries there are across the US alone, then across the world. If nearly every one of them would order the book for the shelf, there'd be thousands of sales. I'm going to say something horrible right now, so prepare yourself: INTER-LIBRARY LOANS ARE EVIL! Yes, they are! I took complete and full advantage of them when I was a kid and couldn't buy my own books, but now that I'm an author, I've discovered how evil they are. Truly, truly evil. So when the librarian you're talking to tells you that you can get the book through inter-library loan, scream that it is EVIL! and point a menacing finger at them. Or, you can tell them that yes, you realize that, but you've heard that this is a great book and you really think it would be good to have the book on the shelf at THIS PARTICULAR library. Because you are a customer of that library and you should have a say in what books that library has, right? The standard response is that they don't have the money, and yes, this is true, most libraries do have to watch their budget, and don't have much of a budget at that. If it's really the case that the library just can't afford it, then you can think of the library as your "friend" and refer back to Guideline Number 5: Buy the book and donate it to the library as your good deed for the day. Or week or year or whatever. Perhaps while handing it to them, you could suggest they look into getting books 2 and 3.
And now, the ultimate guideline, the one that will guarantee you enter the Parthenon when I take over the world as not just a Minion, but an Ultimate Minion, someone who I will buy drinks for for the rest of my life, and possibly set aside some of my worldy goods for as an inheritance gift after my death. . . .
10. Get Oprah to read it and mention it on her show. I'm sure that if enough people email Oprah and tell her she should read "The Skewed Throne" by Joshua Palmatier, that it will eventually register on her radar and she will at least check it out. And I really think she'd like it. It's got a strong female character who grew up in the slums, barely survived horrible conditions, and yet managed to pull herself out of the situation through strength of character and will, raising herself above it all, through hardship and hard work. And think of all the morally ambiguous questions raised during the course of the book, about death and family and friendship and evil. I mean, really, the book was made for Oprah! *grin* So email Oprah and tell her she should READ THIS BOOK!
And those are the guidelines. Many of you have already met some or all of these guidelines (well, maybe not 10) and you may consider yourself Minions at this point in time. I'm going to see ifcomixboy wouldn't mind creating a little "Minion of Joshua Palmatier" icon for me, so I can bestow them upon all of you Minions out there, so watch for that in the near future. wldhrsjen3 will be getting one, certainly. And if you don't yet qualify . . . get to work! Raid that bookstore! Talk to that librarian! And pester Oprah until she caves!
PS--I'm also accepting applications for cabana boys. Send photos and *cough* measurements to jpalmatier@sff.net *grin*
wldhrsjen3 has become an "Official Minion" for Joshua Palmatier due to the following. This means that, when I eventually take over the world through the domination of books, wldhrsjen3 will be officially elevated from the Hordes sent to worship me and will have a place in the palatial Parthenon I will create. And the Parthenon will be beautiful. Let's just say there will be trees. And fountains. Definitely fountains.How can you earn the right to enter the Parthenon? How can YOU become an "Official Minion"? Here are some simple guidelines to follow:
Official Minion of Joshua Palmatier guidelines:
1. Demand that your local bookstore carry my books. As
wldhrsjen3 was willing to do, you should ask your local bookstore why they don't have my books on the shelves. A simple question. Ask them to order in a few copies for the shelf, because you thought they were good books. They might not order them in, especially at a chain bookstore, and please don't harrass the employees, because often they don't have a say in the matter, but sometimes they will order them in, and when they do, and you happen to see the books on the shelf . . .2. Turn the books face out on the shelf. A simple little procedure that will often require that you shift a few books around to make space. Please don't take books out and put them in the wrong place, but shifting a few back and forth in place doesn't hurt. And people are more likely to pick up the book if they can see the cover. I believe that
wldhrsjen3 also did something like this, since she mentioned making my books more prominent, or putting them in a more prominent position. And you can also . . .3. Talk to people in the section about the books. Also simple. If you happen to (over)hear that someone browsing in the section is looking for something new or different or doesn't know what to try, just pick up the book and hand it to them and say you thought it was great! You should hand it to them. People are more likely to buy something if they have it in hand. (A little trick you learn while working at, say, a bookstore.) While
wldhrsjen3 didn't exactly do this, she did the next best thing by faking a cell phone call and gushing about the book to a "friend" so that the browsing person would overhear. An excellent strategy for those that don't like to approach strangers and push their books on them in person. While we're still thinking in terms of being in a bookstore, there's also the obvious helpful bit of advice . . .4. Buy my books at bookstores. This actually helps tremendously. Because not only is that a sale (which makes me happy), but it's also a sale ON RECORD AT A BOOKSTORE. The reason that the chain bookstores likely don't have copies of the books on the shelf is because they haven't sold many of the previous books directly from the bookstore. People buy online, and that's great, because it's a sale, but when the next book comes out, the chain bookstore is going to look at the previous book's sales report . . . and then order fewer books than actually sold of that previous book. It's killing the writer's career. It's the old Catch 22 about jobs: they want to hire experienced workers, but how can you get experience if they won't hire you? Same here: they want the books to sell, but how can they sell books if they don't put them on the bookshelf? It's frustrating. So when you buy the books at an actual bookstore, it helps in more ways than just as a sale for the author. It helps FUTURE sales as well. And while you're buying those books . . .
5. Buy books as gifts for friends. I think this is often forgotten, because we booklovers are greedy folks overall, rather self-interested, and so when we're in the bookstore all we can think of is MINE MINE MINE! We grab our horde of found treasure and lug it up to the counter and then go home and gloat over it. "My precious, my precious!" But think of your friends! If you really think a book is spectacular, why not buy the book for a friend that you think will really like it? The author will love you, and supposedly the friend will love you too. Share the greed! Oops, I mean, share the love! And if you love the book . . .
6. Tell people! The absolute best way to help sell books by a particular author is to talk about them. In casual conversation. Just say how great the book was and that the person your talking to should try it. I've seen this in action at my local gym. One person bought my book even though he "doesn't read fantasy". The next time I saw him, he couldn't stop talking about how much he loved the book and how he'd already gone out and bought book 2. A few people overheard him, asked about the books, and then they bought it. And now they're gushing about book 1 and have already started book 2. . . .
7. Blog about the books. The same thing happens online when you blog about a book you've just read, or start a thread in a forum about the book or books you've recently read and what you think, or mention it in a chat room or at a group. Whatever. It's the same idea. If you can get a conversation going about the book, it's likely that those participating in the conversation will check the book out, as well as those overhearing the conversation. Very helpful to authors. Along the same lines . . .
8. Review the book at online sites. I have to be honest here and say that I didn't think this would have much of an impact . . . but I've seen enough evidence now to say that it does. That's why I run those review contests, where you put up a review on amazon.com and bn.com. People read those reviews, and they decide whether or not to buy the books based on those reviews. So if you love a book, leave a review online at amazon.com or bn.com. It doesn't have to be a long review, but a few sentences saying that you loved the book, that the characters made you care, that the plot never stopped, and that you couldn't put the book down . . . all of that helps. You don't need to summarize the book or anything, just say it wasn't what you expected, or that you took a chance on a new author and didn't regret it in the least, and that you're eagerly awaiting the next book from this author. Something to indicate that perhaps the buyer should take the chance as well.
And now we get down to the true Minion tasks, the ones that put you above and beyond the Hordes, firmly in the Parthenon of Greatness (remember, there's fountains).
9. Request the library obtain the book for its shelves. Every library sale counts as a sale. Think of how many libraries there are across the US alone, then across the world. If nearly every one of them would order the book for the shelf, there'd be thousands of sales. I'm going to say something horrible right now, so prepare yourself: INTER-LIBRARY LOANS ARE EVIL! Yes, they are! I took complete and full advantage of them when I was a kid and couldn't buy my own books, but now that I'm an author, I've discovered how evil they are. Truly, truly evil. So when the librarian you're talking to tells you that you can get the book through inter-library loan, scream that it is EVIL! and point a menacing finger at them. Or, you can tell them that yes, you realize that, but you've heard that this is a great book and you really think it would be good to have the book on the shelf at THIS PARTICULAR library. Because you are a customer of that library and you should have a say in what books that library has, right? The standard response is that they don't have the money, and yes, this is true, most libraries do have to watch their budget, and don't have much of a budget at that. If it's really the case that the library just can't afford it, then you can think of the library as your "friend" and refer back to Guideline Number 5: Buy the book and donate it to the library as your good deed for the day. Or week or year or whatever. Perhaps while handing it to them, you could suggest they look into getting books 2 and 3.
And now, the ultimate guideline, the one that will guarantee you enter the Parthenon when I take over the world as not just a Minion, but an Ultimate Minion, someone who I will buy drinks for for the rest of my life, and possibly set aside some of my worldy goods for as an inheritance gift after my death. . . .
10. Get Oprah to read it and mention it on her show. I'm sure that if enough people email Oprah and tell her she should read "The Skewed Throne" by Joshua Palmatier, that it will eventually register on her radar and she will at least check it out. And I really think she'd like it. It's got a strong female character who grew up in the slums, barely survived horrible conditions, and yet managed to pull herself out of the situation through strength of character and will, raising herself above it all, through hardship and hard work. And think of all the morally ambiguous questions raised during the course of the book, about death and family and friendship and evil. I mean, really, the book was made for Oprah! *grin* So email Oprah and tell her she should READ THIS BOOK!
And those are the guidelines. Many of you have already met some or all of these guidelines (well, maybe not 10) and you may consider yourself Minions at this point in time. I'm going to see if
comixboy wouldn't mind creating a little "Minion of Joshua Palmatier" icon for me, so I can bestow them upon all of you Minions out there, so watch for that in the near future. wldhrsjen3 will be getting one, certainly. And if you don't yet qualify . . . get to work! Raid that bookstore! Talk to that librarian! And pester Oprah until she caves!PS--I'm also accepting applications for cabana boys. Send photos and *cough* measurements to jpalmatier@sff.net *grin*
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2008-02-09 11:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-02-10 02:24 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-02-10 12:57 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-02-10 02:00 am (UTC)Actually, yes. I was originally thinking of a Pantheon of Authors, then ditched that and somehow it got mixed up with the Pavilion idea, although I'd still argue that a "Pantheon" sounds alot more like a studly, grandeous building (with trees and fountains) than a Pavilion. Perhaps I'll edit it into a Colosseum or something.
no subject
Date: 2008-02-10 02:01 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-02-10 01:29 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-02-10 02:01 am (UTC)heeeeyyyyyy
Date: 2008-02-10 02:48 am (UTC)11. get J.P. books discussed on a fabulous online bookgroup (www.empireofthecat.com) website!
Plus I have done #1,3,4,5,6,7&8
(my local library is closed for renovation and I don't watch TV)
Re: heeeeyyyyyy
Date: 2008-02-10 03:04 am (UTC)And I said that some of you have already qualified. I was going to list them, but there were too many (and I was afraid I'd miss some). I just came up with the "Minion" emblem idea, so need to get my friend to whip something up and then I'll send it out to people if they'd like it. You definitely qualify for one. Plus a ton of others here on LJ.
Can't wait for the book discussion. How is it going to be run anyway? Is there just a thread, or a bunch of threads, that I should be commenting on whenever possible?
no subject
Date: 2008-02-10 04:14 am (UTC)and you dont want the Oprah sticker on your book. i dont think people actually read them anyway. they might buy them, sure, but no one even knows what they are about. just that its Oprah's new crack.
no subject
Date: 2008-02-10 02:26 pm (UTC)And you're probably right about Oprah's book pick. But having a ton of sales would mean I could write whatever I wanted and not have to worry about whether the publisher will be buying the next book or not. *grin*
HMMMMMM... I think I'm almost a minion
Date: 2008-02-10 06:35 am (UTC)2. Haven't done that yet, but okay.
3. Yes, did that.
4. Have done that (I ordered your book through the local Barnes and Noble in the hopes that they'd get more)
5. Yes, my mom greatly enjoyed Skewed Throne
6. I've done that.
7. And I've done that. Dude, you're on my sidebar.
8. I haven't done this yet, but I will.
9. I did one better, I bought a book and donated it to the library.
10. Okay. Emails take seconds. Do you want a copy?
Re: HMMMMMM... I think I'm almost a minion
Date: 2008-02-10 02:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-02-10 04:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-02-10 11:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-02-10 05:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-02-10 11:37 pm (UTC)It was one of those whim posts. They always seem to be the best.
no subject
Date: 2008-02-11 03:47 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-02-10 06:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-02-10 11:37 pm (UTC)Are you going to be able to do minion duties at Boskone next weekend?
no subject
Date: 2008-02-10 11:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-02-10 10:30 pm (UTC)That said, I think I have done well. But dude, you hit #10 and I will be disappointed. BEcause the minute a book hits Oprah, it begans to suck. Its amazing how it happens.
We have a faculty/alumni collection at BU, and I keep pushing to have your books included, even though they are not in the area you have your degree in. I will keep trying!
no subject
Date: 2008-02-10 11:39 pm (UTC)It would be cool to have my books on the faculty list at BU, so keep trying!
no subject
Date: 2008-02-11 03:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-02-11 02:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-02-15 04:30 am (UTC)Of course, I'd like to be appointed to your Despotic Cabinet. Reforms are in order for the literary scene, and I'd like head that up.
no subject
Date: 2008-02-18 02:52 am (UTC)