Question of the Day

[jpskewedthrone]

Do vampires ever go to the dentist? I mean, what about blood sugar levels and such? Why have I not seen a short story dealing with dentists for vampires, or an urban fantasy with the dentist character taking care of vampires?

Discuss.

Comments

[mtlawson.livejournal.com]

::cough::

Um, Josh, I think you've got a hook for a short story, there.

[delkytlar.livejournal.com]

Seems to me that vampires, being undead and able to avoid physical corruption and decomposition, should be able to prevent tooth decay and plaque without the need of a dentist.

Braces, however, might do some of them some good. Maybe a visit to the orthodontist?

[fire_my_spirit]

I like to think that because vampires, in order to survive, are predatory creatures, they have their own instinctive ways of taking care of their teeth and have also evolved to have teeth stronger than humans, in the same way that wolves and sharks and such do not need dentists.

But then I like vampires who are competent and unapologetically deadly. La.

[catwithclaws.livejournal.com]

heh. a diabetic vampire! I'd love to see THAT.

[lisamantchev.livejournal.com]

*will speak with The Boy at lunchtime, surely he has patients who are sparklepires, considering where we live....* XD

[cedunkley.livejournal.com]

Well what happens to someone with dentures who is bit and turned into a vampire? He'd need a vampire dentist for teeth implants at least?

[celestinenox]

A girl in my junior year (high school, lo these many years ago) creative writing class wrote a story once about vampires and the AIDS virus.

[shana.livejournal.com]

I think one of Kerrelyn Sparks' paranormals involves a dentist heroine...

[martianmooncrab.livejournal.com]

there have been a couple of dentist to the vamp stories in the paranormal romance genre, the one that comes to mind is Dakota Cassidy's The Accidental Vampire.

[eldestmuse.livejournal.com]

I wonder if it has anything to do with habit? And lack of need? I mean, most literary vampires are pretty old--centuries, even. Modern dentistry is a pretty newfangled thing, and a creature immune from aging and who doesn't chew all that much (and who presumably regenerates--most vampires manage injuries pretty well) wouldn't have many of the teeth problems older people tend to...

[coneycat.livejournal.com]

I dunno about vampire dentists, but when I saw Van Helsing it was apparent from the werewolves' ears that they had been cropped and taped at some point, like a Doberman's in North America. Canine ears are not naturally that thin and upright. And I was sitting in the theatre distracted by the thought, "what kind of weird supernatural vet *crops a werewolf's ears?*"

I may not have been enthralled by the movie...

[jjschwabach.livejournal.com]

You would need a silver drill to repair those incisors?

[bearmountain.livejournal.com]

I don't think that blood suckers ever have to worry about blood sugar levels. It's pretty much a protein/pre-digested diet so-to-speak. There are stories of weakened vamps, due to not getting their, erm, diet on time. As for a dentist, that would assume decay. Only in the case of a vamp, if they are dead and not decaying, maybe that is why their teeth don't decay. I mean they are dead. So they should decay anyway, but they don't.

Look, if I meet a vamp, I'll be sure and ask after his dentist, assuming my crucifix holds. I'll let him know you're curious and send him your way. No, no need to thank me. Be happy to send him along.

[devilpony7.livejournal.com]

I'm toying with a not-a-high-school-vampire-romance, and I JUST threw in a line about Listerine being really, really painful when it gets in retractable fang sheaths. I think my newly-turned vampire is loosing her hygienic habits. :-)

As far as vampire biochemistry/metabolism stuff, I've always imagined that they use some sort of super-efficient photosynthesis analogue that overclocks in sunlight.

(de-lurking due to crazy synchroneity)

[mamculuna.livejournal.com]

Would you put your hand in a vampire's mouth?

[kelly-swails.livejournal.com]

I think, sir, you've just stumbled upon an anthology idea. "The Paranormal Doctor's Office." 'Cause, you know ... werewolves. Vet or regular doctor? And vampires and dentists. And vampires and nutritionists. And do werecats need distemper shots? And ...

There's a ton of fodder here. I wanna go write a short story now.

[avengangle.livejournal.com]

Late to the party, but Robert Bloch actually wrote a (funny) short story about a vampire and a dentist. I think it's called "Tooth or Consequences." No idea when it was published. I read it in one of the Sub Press collections, but it's an ARC and doesn't have original publication dates.